You've got to be kidding me.  Are you really that hard up? 

No, wait, let me guess - you knew there wasn't going to be any porn. You just clicked over to see what there would be. 

But don't you see?  That's even sadder.  At least if it were porn, you could blame your indolence on biological imperatives. But what's your excuse now? That there's some value in this?  Please. 

When's the last time you read a good book?  No, John Grisham does not count. I'm talking about the classics.  Huck Finn.  War and Peace. 

Why are you reading me instead of Tolstoy?  I can't compete with him.  There's nothing ennobling here.  Why do you persist in loitering?  Doesn't your life mean anything to you?

Okay, I give up. You want porn, here's the porn.